New Girl 5x14 '300 Feet': As Speechless as Schmidt learning he's got Valet. For all the
- nicholasimarshall
- Apr 15, 2016
- 6 min read
New Girl 5x14 pulls a lite Walking Dead-esque fast one on us at the end, spoiling an otherwise pretty good episode.
Reviewed while listening for the Ghost in the Machine. And also gloating in LIVERPOOL BEING TOTALLY BALLER!!

‘300 Feet’ is 80% a solid day at the office for New Girl. The Nick/Schmidt thread was not as compelling as usual, but funny and had a heartwarming ending, as usual, and Sam’s revelation as to why he files a restraining order against Jess (of 300 ft naturally) was surprising and very human. This should be at worst a B+ episode.
But that last scene… sigh.
I hesitate to call it manipulative, because I don’t think Elizabeth Meriwether or the writing team is capable of being that cynical. Certainly not Walking Dead season 6 finale cynical. But, really, it kind of is manipulative. In so much as any standard romance plot that the show wants to milk as much as possible is manipulative. Maintaining a love interest without acting on it becomes harder with each passing episode, which is why often it’s best not to stake too much of the show on one ship. The Office had more than Jim and Pam, but not much more outside of Michael. They knew the more stagnate the Jim/Pam plot got, the more drag the show would be, so they finally got together after three seasons.
Surprisingly, to me at least, Brooklyn Nine Nine is so strong across the board that Jake/Amy could’ve gone on for longer without them hooking up and likely things would’ve been fine, but they jumped on it quick just to stay ahead, and there’s a sense of intrigue that with them getting together so early more pressure is on that they might break up, as there’s only so much plot with couples, too. For this reason, Nick and Jess getting together at the end of season 2 almost locked in them breaking up at some point before the show ended, especially since New Girl likes to fashion itself as slightly more realistic with its depiction of interrelationships, even amidst all the other absurdities. And when they did break-up, the friendzoning that followed seemed natural. Nothing about the Nick and Jess relationship every really seemed forced, which is true for basically every relationship on the show. Despite Jess’ objections at the end of ‘300 Feet’ that she’s the same person as she was three or whatever seasons ago (Sam was Season 2, right?), the characters of the loft do grow, and it keeps New Girl fresh and grounded, and very relatable.
Which is why that last scene ‘300 Feet’ is just so frustrating!! I’m not even sure how hard the writers were trying to sell us on Sam and Jess getting back together. When they hook up on the street earlier in the episode, I bought that as a gut spontaneous thing, and that seemed validated by Sam explaining that he initially filed a restraining order against Jess because she was dangerous… for him. It’s the show exploring the real life concept of trying to force feelings out of confusion, and that falls in line with what makes New Girl so special. Sam may not have changed, as he states. We believe him because the show hasn’t been following him. We have been following Jess, however. She’s definitely changed. Her deeply passionate and primarily relatable relationship with Nick could do nothing but change her. But the writers wanted to get us to believe she hadn’t, that she could actually have a relationship with Sam again.
Why? All evidence points to Nick and Jess getting back together, or at least confronting their feelings for each other, at some point. These last two episodes have laid it on thick. ‘Sam Again’ had a very vulnerable scene for Nick where he basically admitted he’s still in love with her (in real life, maybe him stating that he was in love with her before isn’t the same as admitting he still is, but this is television. They’re basically saying he still is). And I’m totally betting they had Nick ask out that piece of patronizing shit of a bar owner at the end of the Nick/Schmidt thread to show where his head’s at. He’s adrift, and the last time he was adrift, Jess pulled him to shore. It can’t be coincidence that the show is having these things happen during episodes focused on one of Jess’ old flames, least of all the biggest old flame in relation to Jess and Nick. So Jess getting back with Sam is almost definitely a method of trying to raise the stakes on Jess and Nick without putting them back together. But it’s so heartless and so out of left field that I wasn’t even sure I was watching New Girl anymore. Sam and Jess only comes off as contrived, as a means to expand the divide between the show’s main shipping.
I mean, is the absolute calamitous incompetence that is Walking Dead manipulation contagious? How is this happening? It certainly doesn’t help that this was Plot A of ‘300 Feet’ and it closed out the episode, leaving a very sour taste for what was otherwise a pretty good episode. Nick and Schmidt have to explore yet another layer of their business partnership while remaining best friends, while also combating the owner of a rival ‘trendy’ or ‘fad’ bar who is… just the worst. I’m not even going to mention who the guest star was, because I hated her character so much. Which was the point. The plot was good here, and it ended beautifully with another breathless Schmidt reaction to a Nick gesture (he loves valet, it seems). And Cece drunk is always a staple of hilarity for the show. Winston was mostly sidelined here, as a wingman for Jess, but his ‘cop face/friend face’ bit was a nice touch. And again, that climax between Sam and Jess about Sam’s issues was very human and relatable, and could’ve capped off the Sam/Jess storyline just fine.
All this only makes that last scene more frustrating than if it had just been a bad episode. It isn’t a bad episode. But because the resolution of Sam and Jess getting back together is the end game for the last two episodes, because it’s so central, this episode gets a low mark. And for the first time as a fan of New Girl, and I've been here since the pilot, I’m a little wary of where the writers are going with this, and if the show’s age is starting to show. It’s a testament to how great the show is that before now there was not even a hint of fatigue really, after 4+ seasons. And it’s renewed for a sixth officially. So my wariness is minor at this point. Let’s just hope this doesn’t last long, and the show doesn’t get contrived trying to keep Nick and Jess apart solely for lack of any brighter ideas. Let’s hope the writers remember what they’ve built here, with all of these wonderfully drawn characters and their relationships. There’s so much opportunity for plot already there that there’s no need to shoehorn anything in. That’s what Sam/Jess felt like. But it might just be a slight skid.
Grade: C
After the Review (since everyone has a post-show show now)
-Another thing that irked me and dropped a mark for the episode: When Jess was trapped in the back of Sam’s pick-up, why didn’t she just jump out when the truck was parked or just moving slowly? And would going through a washing machine injure her? It would, wouldn’t it? Car washes aren’t for PEOPLE.
-‘He’s the owner of Produce/Cold Beer/Ice… Peter I know that’s what the sign above your market says. Is that the name of your establishment?’ ‘Yes’ ‘Very creative.’ I. Love. Cece drunk. Not in a creepy way. In a Hannah Simone has great delivery way.
-Most of the punchlines in this episode are still solid, too. Especially when Jess tries to use ‘character references’ to remove the restraining order. Really, not much was wrong with this episode.
-Nick's nutmeg doppleganger was just perfect! Man, so much of this episode was so good...
-Speaking of Winston and ‘Friendface.’
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